Dear Dad.

Surprisingly 10yrs later today; we stand here, yet there are those random days when we refuse to believe you are not around. That day, the news hit me with sparring sorrow, hard watery eyes; and reality took its cruel way to punch me over years to understand life.
We struggled; me, maa and maggie. Struggled as we had never imagined, life brought up its ugliest colours on the gloomiest days. One cannot explain; only live it. But you should know we fought hard, you expected that of us. We did everything, every thing to work hard, to survive, to live, to come out winning. You should have known, you had a strong woman standing by your side all along, we never recognised it in her role as a mundane housewife; home maker. She endured the most and came out as a champion we look upto.
We were scared, years went on living that way. There was a constant fear of the unknown, of an outside world we did not understand. I grew up quickly as a person; tormented myself with the idea that I am carrying a great burden of life. My inner turmoil kept me on sleepless nights for years. We all made it count though, success and attitude is in our genes; we are a lot alike on somethings, I am your son. Maggie has done great for herself over the years; she was always the kinds who was meant to succeed, born to win as she wore her attitute. Her focus and determination was unparallel towards getting things right in life.
The worry around the family was more towards me; goofy, off the track witty as I was. I did shockingly well though; I was possessed with a single minded aim and fight of a street dog to set my life straight. I just had to choose what I want to excel at; barriers did not matter, impossibility was out of my dictionary, I was hungry and my hunger drove me to my goals. You know, I just wanted to be you in all those years; live big, succeed, have a big heart; and prove my point at it. I have carried your small pic silently in my wallet for a long time, in the same typical way you dressed. I wanted the world to notice me being your son, I wanted to live your dreams. Nothing else and every bit of it. I vowed my word on it. I think I have done a few good things during the phase of my life. Funny, how a angry young guy thinks; teenage and adrenaline.
We looked at optimisms, future held for us, no one to complain to actually. Took life as it was and walked towards an unsure ray of light at the end of a dark tunnel. We never talked about you, it was hard, mind played games of grief with us. We lived through it. And we lived through it well and with an honest smile.
Can you believe, the funny me took six years before I was actually alright to talk about you properly and say it aloud that I miss you. We have; in all the good times. In all the best times. In all the happiest times of our lives. The most on Maggie's wedding. We have; only we know it how much. And its nice to remember you in the good times of life!
I have my own dreams now; *looks apologetically* some things I want are very distinct than yours. *looks rebelliously* I work for my dreams, I want to live my life. I am more heartless than you could think, more than your approval level. Down and out; I live more streetwise, life on more realistic level; look at the a b c's for practical approach to find my way around in the world. I drive my own car btw; and a very good boy with my bike; yes yes speeding is absolutely wrong. I am a big miser, shameless about it sometimes, Mom mentions that I do so more with my earnings. Forgot to mention in blabbering. You have the lovliest grand daughter. She is our bundle of joy. As if she was always around with that naughtiness. After much debate, we named the munchkin - Aanya; trust me Zeebu is nice name which never caught up with others. You would have loved spoiling her and showering her with the craziest of things. We know it, we just know it. I have left that memory as your thing, I will never temper into it. You will always be the hearty person of the family.
I am unsure as to where I am in my life today, but I am sure I will get around somewhere good. I am taking a break to look at small joys of the world; one good day, works for me right now. But eventually, you know me, just give me my time and I will keep my promise to life and you. I will make it count. I will make us count. Trust me, I will.
Yours crazy and lovingly,
Mintu.
PS: I really think I am a little better and a little correct than you are on many things. Times have changed, you should understand it dad.
*raises eyebrow* *smiles*

You have been hiding

bring back the Time. bring it back.
when the Music, Books, Beliefs changed the world for you.
the Songs spoke of you. of numbness. of your life.

bring back with it, all its regrets and anguish.
bring back the head bumping. bring back the way it rocked you.
bring back the serene nirvana followed.
No dont be afraid when a tear rolls down once more.
wipe it and flash that smile back to memories.
when the Books got with them, the unseen paths they sought you to take.
the countless lives.
bring back, bitter sweet the verve. the whirlwind inside your head.
the juvenation To Do. the juvenation To just Be.
bring back the fervor that engulfed.
No. dont you run away this time.
bring back a shattered tough you. but no, not this ghost.
who lives your life faithless.
bring back yourself.
walk. walk towards untrodden roads which were your own.
bring back those faded maps. gleaming hopes, your faith will guide you.
don't you hold back now.
look. you have the sunny rays awaited.
bring back. bring back You.
bring back Me. bring back my Life.
You know. You can't keep hiding Me.

The bygone evening'

My heart was drenched inside me, one of those occasions when I felt choked. Another person couldn't convince me to feel otherwise during that moment, my view of the world and what I need to live on was very focused to one singularity, wrapped in a fiery passion and calm likeness, my love for the woman. The hustle bustle around the eve, gave me a little rip inside of not being able to spend the time with her, not being her man. I was head strong determined to take the fact as it seemed and spent the time being deluged in me, music and poetry.

Fast forward, this time around, I had a calm night sleeping through, hurried rush to office and trying to get on top of an unconquerable deadline. I have illusions sometimes that I can please my boss because I am good at my work. Twitter buzzed through the day, with love quotes, a few singles who hated this commercialisation of love, some happy to have settled in and calmed down tweeples who correctly mentioned everything as love through the day, and others who did not want to be left out; shared 'simply the best' urls about love. I felt good around few genuine and excited people, it is nice to be able to celebrate their mutual love and relationships. Its alright to even have a separate day for it; well knowing busy mad lives we live.

Besides trying to catch up on unending analysis of data on boring' excel sheets during the eve, I simply enjoyed flirting with a quick thinking woman I know. I feel sexy; and immensely confident around my wit. I believe overall it was a good Valentine's for a single and uncommitted man, life is still open for endless possibilities actually. Some thrill, excitment and passion still awaits in the times to come. Let it roll.
*smiles* *raises eye brow*

The feel good night.

So its one of the fun, two best friends get a little high, watch a non sensical movie about friends, discuss women who are, have been, hopefully the sexy one who will come in, night. *imagines fantasies*

So my buddy is getting married in a couple of months with his gal. Man, I am proud of him to have sustained the relationship well, be
by his woman and get engaged when time required him to. There are so many things we feel unsure of at this age as men, and he took his decision and went ahead. Not many couples actually stick by each other in todays time. You know what I am saying. *whistles*

So all good things come to an end, most of these friends are now married or on verge. (At this point we will push you even if you are shit scared). I guess the crazy guy sessions will be passe. I have come to terms with it.

Anyhow, I have to see what excitement, the future has in store for me. I am still restless and refuse to budge to boredom. I will give life another chance, I know you will be good to me. So right now lets close our deal with a few old books, some music, a career to make, some dreams to keep alive.

5 years of Love.

I really feel good even today as much as I did exactly back on 7 Feb 2007 when I first had you - my ride, my bike, my babe. Sure you break down more often now, bug me, make me helpless, land me up in middle of a highway and refuse to budge. But Thank you for the countless great times i have had, the power, the assurance I have felt, the freedom I have lived, the new roads, the journeys I have discovered. You took me out of my shell and threw me into the world to try, explore, discover and live. There is a feeling which I think only some other bikers can associate with it, a deep gratitude, love and faith. Cheers for the fabulous 5 yrs and the wonderful times to come.

I am back.

Apologies for the two and half years delay. I should have been writing when deep down I have been wanting to. Alright so loads of things have changed in the big bad world, we took two whole rounds around the sun. I looked at my own blog and cant relate to a lot of things. Bro, ain't cool. *looks again*
*sighs* no wonder.

So cheers for a new start and let the good times roll.

While I am at it, let me give a sneak peak. This new(lets not try a 4th one) blog will talk about women, chai and why, travel, dreams, randomness, world, myself and you maybe. Dont be on my bad side, else I write nasty too. *raises eye brow*